Post Forty-Eight

Hello all,

Here's the post for October. I'm almost finished my first semester of school, and it feels great. Before I was considering dropping out, but I'm so close! There's no way I'm dropping out now. I'm going to stick it out, because I know I'll feel amazing in the end, even if there will be a lot of obstacles along the way.

I've still been feeling depressed, this sums it all up:

I’m so tired of waiting for things that aren’t going to happen. I’m tired of hoping that certain people will talk to me again, when they probably never will, and about wondering what the hell I did wrong. I shouldn’t be hoping for things to go back to the way they were, because this is just wishful thinking- I mean there’s always the chance that things could go back to the way they were, but I shouldn’t be letting my hopes get too high- it’s more hurtful that way. It’s gotten to a point where I’ll be carrying on with my day, and all of a sudden these thoughts will start flooding my mind and I start to get all cynical and depressed. Some mornings I wake up and I just want to stay inside at home, sheltered from the world, some nights I go to sleep and I’m thinking about where I’ve gone wrong. I’m tired of letting these people consume my life and making it difficult to carry on. Lately I’ve been especially questioning of the people around me, I just don’t feel like making an effort in terms of connecting with anybody. There’s always this nagging voice in the back of my head that the same thing is going to happen all over again. I’m always bracing myself for the worst, expecting someone to end any connections with me.

I need to make a change. I need to stop thinking so negatively about people, and I need to surround myself with more positive people, who will make me feel good about who I am. I need to remove certain people from my past. Because in the end, the past doesn’t exist, it is only a memory. You can’t go back and change it so you might as well make the best of the present and prepare for the future.

That's pretty much my state of mind at the moment. It's difficult, but I'm trying my very best to work on it.

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Anyways, let's move on, shall we?

Here's some art I've worked on for the semester:


Media Studio 2 class

[project 3: design icons project]


Illustrative Painting and Drawing 2


In class study of lemons in different lights, done in oils


At home warm/cool study of still life


Illustration 3


'Kafka on the Shore' book cover project


Sergei Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto # 1. CD cover project


PETA poster project


Sequential Narrative 1 class

[project 3: depression project]
Note: for this project we had to tell a story about something that impacted our life. I chose my struggle with depression, it wasn't easy to work on. I'm finding that depression influences more of my work now.

The images below are for my final project for the class, a mythology project.
I chose to illustrate the Norse myth of Yggdrasil, the world tree.
I'm very pleased with how it turned out, I love this class.

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It isn't related to school or anything, but for Halloween, I dressed up as The Curator from death metal band Portal! I created my own costume, the clock-head, out of cardboard. Check it out here.

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This year, I attended Nuit Blanche once again! For those of you who don’t know, it’s an all-night art event where you get to see all different kinds of art- visual art, performance art, installations, music, etc. Th art is spread out in 3 zones, all across downtown Toronto. I didn’t get to see much this year- but I did see some really cool things. I was disappointed that I didn’t get to see this installation called Interactive Landscape Dune, that would be in a train station that hasn’t been used for years (the lineup went on for about 2 blocks, so apparently it would have been about an 1hr-2 hrs of a wait). Anyways, I ended up seeing the following things:

1. One at a Time

2. Iskootao

3. On The Good Red Road

4. El Anatsui

5. XXIX

6. Aurora

7. Crossings


My favourite thing at Nuit Blanche by far was Aurora. It was an absolutely stunning installation, really mesmerizing to look at. It’s one of those things that you have a hard time taking your eyes off!

Yeah, so I didn’t get to see that much. My friend had to go home early and I didn’t want to stay out late by myself. But I did end up getting home around 5 am and being dead tired.

See more photos from the night here.

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In October, I went to three shows.

The first show was Swans w/ Baby Dee at Lee's Palace on October 2nd. It was the same night as Nuit Blanche, so I got to experience an amazing night of art and music!

Swans was playing with Baby Dee, a group consisting of a violinist, cello player, and harp player. The only way I can describe their music is ‘freak folk’. The harp player was pretty eccentric, quite the character haha. Nonetheless, they were pretty engaging to watch.

Swans was absolutely amazing, one of the loudest performances I’ve been to so far. They opened with about 20 minutes of pure noise before finally taking the stage and performing the songs. They were really high energy, so intense. It was just so LOUD and you could really feel the music. For their encore, they played an outro of pure noise. They ended up playing for around 2 hours! I think Swans has a very interesting style, and I’m really glad that I went to the show. See more photos from the show at my flickr.

On October 4th, I got to see Immolation w/ Vader at The Mod Club. There were 3 other opening bands (Abigail Williams, Pathology and Lecherous Nocturne), but I missed all of their sets. I walked into the venue as Vader was setting up.

I wouldn't consider myself a huge fan of Vader, seeing as I have only listened to one of their albums. However, I did enjoy their set at the show, and the crowd seemed to as well- hence the chanting and crowd surfing that commenced shortly into the beginning of their set. I remember their set starting with the Star Wars theme music, haha.

Immolation blew my mind. They played some of my favourites like 'Father You're Not A Father', and 'Close To A World Below.' There was something very mesmerizing about their set, just watching how they executed the riffs and solos. I didn't have much time to watch in between taking photos and headbanging, haha. I'd definitely like to see them again. See more photos from the show at my flickr.



Near the end of October, I went to see a local band named Thantifaxath at Duffy’s Tavern. I was a bit apprehensive about the venue…..it was in a sketchy area, and the venue was sketchy looking as well. Apparently it was worse in the past, which is saying a lot. I can’t even imagine what ‘worse’ is in terms of that venue, because it was pretty meh.It was a rainy night. so making the trek out was a bit of a pain….still, it was worth it. Had to wait an hour or so for the band to set up, but I’m glad I stuck around.I had already seen Thantifaxath with Alcest back in April, so I was looking forward to this show. I think this show may have even been better than their show with Alcest, really.

The 2nd band that played after wards was horrible in comparison, I really should have left after Thantifaxath’s set. i really didn’t see what people liked about the 2nd band’s music, there was no cohesion; it just sounded like a bunch of banging and smashing. Seriously the worst live act I’ve seen in a while. Apparently the 3rd band to play would have been worse than the 2nd too….I’m glad I didn’t stay around for that.

Thantifaxath’s music is a combination of black metal with some drone elements, which I really enjoy. The music builds up and intensifies, which makes for an awesome set. Their music reminds me of a mix of Deathspell Omega and Portal. It’s the riffs and atmosphere of the music that make me think of these two bands. There’s even one riff in a song that reminds me of the song ‘Shrine of Mad Laughter’ by Deathspell Omega.

Toronto does have some great bands, it’s really awesome to see that. Give Thantifaxath’s music a listen, they’ll be coming out with an EP soon.

See some more photos of the band here.

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Food
I found a great blog on tumblr for vegan food, called Vegan Feast. It has lots of delicious recipes, and most seem easy to make! My birthday is coming up in November, so I love the recipe for Double White Chocolate Cherry Opera Cake with Apricot Mousse. (pictured- credit goes to the Vegan Feast blog, not my own photography).

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Film

Home is a documentary film by Yann Arthus-Bertrand focusing on the way the world is going, how it has been deteriorating in quality. It is a real eye opener, focusing on how the weather patterns have changed, and how humans are destroying the earth. One point that is important to remember is that all organisms rely on each other to live, which is a point that the film makes at the beginning. The film combines statistics and beautiful imagery to make a powerful documentary.Watch it here.

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Music
It might interest you to know that I currently contribute to two musical blogs, check them out:

http://christrapingblackmetal.blogspot.com/

http://soundsoftheforgotten.tumblr.com/

Now onto my recommendations! As of late, I've really been into ambient and drone music.

Sequences.


An amazing ambient/drone project I stumbled upon through tumblr. Listen to the track All Ash in Vain, the newest one. Like it says on their blog, try listening to it in the dark!

Vindensång.



Vindensång is an ambient/experimental band. They had a show with Sequences a while back, I wish I had known about it! Listen to the album
Terminus: Rebirth in Eight Parts. The track The Origin: The Point of Return is a track that's on constantly on replay for me.

Moëvöt.



Moëvöt is a dark ambient/black metal project associated with the Les Légions Noires, a group of underground French black metal bands that was formed in the early 1990s. Projects associated with this movement are hit or miss, but Moëvöt is one I definitely enjoy. The music is eerie, reminiscent of an old horror film. Listen to the album Ézléýfbdréhtr Vépréùb Zùérfl Màzàgvàtre Érbbédréà, it's an album I've been listening to a lot lately.

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Artist of the Month

Dugald Stewart Walker.

He has a beautiful pen and ink style, but also does some work in colour. See more of his work here.

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That concludes this entry. I'm going to be turning 21 in 6 days, here's to hoping that my birthday goes better than the past years. I shouldn't make such a big deal out of it, really. I'd just like to be happy for that day, that's what matters to me.

I can't wait for school to end, I get to go to Montréal for a few days!

I'm also trying to get some money together to go to the Agalloch show on the west coast, but I doubt that's happening. They're having an east coast tour starting March 2011, so I may as well wait for that! :D

Chao tam biet (goodbye in Vietnamese).